personal power

How to Criticize or Avoid Criticism

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Avoiding CriticismThe image tells you exactly how to avoid criticism. Yep, don’t do or say anything. Oh, wait, that won’t work either, will it? You’ll then be criticized for not doing anything.

All of us criticize people. We may not do it to the individual directly. Sometimes we do, especially if criticism, hopefully constructive, is part of our job.

Let’s chat about how to give constructive criticism.

Providing constructive criticism requires you being balanced within yourself and clear about what you want to say. You want to be helpful, but you know some people accept criticism and others are offended by even the mildest form of criticism.

Providing constructive criticism in a positive and helpful manner is a skill. Like any skill it is something you can learn. You can learn how to criticize.

Let’s look at some strategies on how to criticize:

  1. Be sure what you have to say is helpful. You can say something which is true, but is not in any way helpful. If the person can’t do anything about what is happening, your criticism is not helpful In fact, it might be a form of bullying.
  •  Even if the criticism is helpful, that doesn’t mean someone will take it well. Be prepared for a tearful, angry or hostile response.
  1. Be sure you’re the right person to provide the criticism. What is your past history with the person? Has it been supportive or hostile? If you have a tumultuous history with the individual, unless your job position calls for it, find someone else to deliver the message.
  1. Be specific. Giving specific feedback is helpful. The other person has a specific goal or strategy s/he can focus on. Provide suggestions on how to overcome the situation.
  1. Right Time and PlaceChoose an appropriate time and place. Provide the feedback privately and out of ear-shot of others. Also, as much as possible choose a time the person is doing well. You don’t want to deliver criticism when the individual has just been diagnosed with an illness or received disturbing news.
  1. Remain factual and unemotional. Just give the facts and the solution. Even if you are upset, keep your tone even. In fact, wait until you’ve cooled off if you are upset.
  1. Focus on behavior. Avoid value judgments. Telling someone they’re sloppy is an insult. Telling them their tennis backhand technique is inconsistent addresses the behavior. Don’t make it about a personality characteristic. Make it about a behavior.
  1. Which is better? “Please pick up your dirty socks” or “Why are you a slob?” You’ll receive a very difference responses to the questions..Be Pleasant Everything is easier with a pleasant expression and a smile. Use open body language with your arms by your side, not folded over your chest. Be sincere. This means you need to be sure you don’t have an ulterior motive.
  1. Begin and End with a Positive. Say something positive or give a complement before giving your criticism. Begin your constructive criticism with a positive tone of voice. End the criticism with another compliment. You want the person to be receptive and make positive changes. By beginning and ending on a positive note, the individual is more likely to take your words to heart.
  1. Just Give One. Even if you have 20 things you could discuss, keep your comments limited to the one at a time, or two relevant ones. Begin with the ones most easily corrected. This helps him or her be successful. You don’t want to overwhelm the individual. That will leave him or her feeling helpless. You want them to be their best. This builds trust. Then you can give more serious criticisms which will be easier to accept if s/he trusts you.
  1. Use humor. Be lighthearted if appropriate. Humor can makes things easier. You could relate an amusing story about the mistakes you’ve made. This can ease any tension or embarrassment.
  1. Know when to stop. Watch reactions. It will be obvious when s/he’s had enough. You’re wasting your time and making a bad situation worse by continuing. You can find another time and place to revisit the issue if needed.

These tips can be used with your children, employees, or a significant other. There is no need to give criticism to casual strangers. That’s simply bullying. Providing criticism appropriately is a skill worth learning. There will be a time someone close to you or someone you’re responsible for is driving you crazy. Learn these skills before you lash out in a way which is detrimental to you both.

If you find you have difficulty is giving or receiving constructive criticism, let’s set up an time we can do some healing of the underlying wounds. Often a simple 30-minute session can do wonders. Click here to contact me. This link will take you to my website.

Help You Find Your Place in Life

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imageWays to Use Affirmations to Help You Find Your Place in Life

I’m going to share with you some affirmations you can use to find your passion and what you do in life. First, let me share what happened with an acquaintance. I was doing a Body Talk session with her and boredom  and came up. Unfortunately, boredom is a common experience of people in their job. Many people feel stuck because they aren’t happy with what they’re doing or they feel that something is lacking, but they don’t know how to find that sweet spot of life.

How You Block Your Inner Knowing

Within you, what I call your inner knowing, is the answer to what it is you would like to do with your life. It isn’t often in the form of a bill board. The answer is rarely delivered in a letter. Usually, you come to know where you belong in the work world by paying attending to the excitement or tingling sensation which comes when you think about a particular opportunity.

Many people try too hard to figure out what they want to do. Often, they completely forget to notice what they already enjoy. The key to your passion is what you love to do. There can be a wide variety of activities or occupations in what you most enjoy. For instance, if you enjoy working with children, and have the necessary education, you could be a teacher, adoption worker, foster care worker, own a day care, work with the Special Olympics, be a foster or adoptive parent, run or work in a camp, or multitudes of other possibilities.

Others cut off the knowledge that comes from deep within because they’re afraid of making a mistake with their choice. If you have an idea of what you would like to do, and it involves a great deal of education, volunteer or apprentice in that particular area if at all possible. I have a cousin who wanted to be a nurse. That is an intense educational process. She decided to see if she would like that vocation by becoming educated at the lowest level of caretaking in the nursing field. After discovering she did, indeed, enjoy the nursing field, she became a nurse and worked in it for a number of years.

If you only work in your chosen field for a few years, you’ve gained invaluable experience.  My personal belief is that every job or profession you undertake, as well as every experience in life, brings you to whatever is next. There are no mistakes in this area. There is only a gathering of experience and learning. Go ahead and take a risk and try doing something you have in mind.

Affirmations to Clear the Subconscious Mind

Now let’s give your subconscious mind some instructions. These instructions are very important. They tell your subconscious mind what it is you actually want to happen in your life. Whatever is there on the deepest levels of yourself, that is what your subconscious mind works to make happen. We want to give this very powerful and often forgotten aspect of yourself some clear instructions about what you want. Remember, we want them to be positive.

Before I give you these affirmations, I want to impress upon you the importance of engaging the feeling level of yourself in this process. Don’t just repeat the statements to yourself like the multiplication tables. Feel them. See yourself engaged and happy in whatever it is you’re doing. Use all of your senses as you repeat these affirmations to yourself.

  1. It is easy for me to know what I want to do with my life.
  2. I pay attention to the quiet whispers of my inner knowing.
  3. Every day my passion in life becomes clearer and clearer.
  4. I am excited, delighted and fulfilled by what I have chosen to do.
  5. I am filled with a sense of purpose.

Get started with these affirmations, now. Search the Internet for others which ring true to you. Take a risk and have fun.

Positive Affirmations for Career Success

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Positive Affirmations for Career Success

The major reason clients come into my office is to assist them in becoming successful in life. They asked me, “What can I do? Are there some affirmations I can use which can help me become successful in my field?” Yes, of course there are. There is something even more important than affirmations for success. This is believing in yourself.
The Combination of Words and Action
Just minutes ago I was working with the man who is extremely talented. He will soon have his doctorate, he’s an excellent writer, he has tremendous insight into his field. There is one thing he does not have. That is the self-confidence to do what he needs to do to reach his ultimate goal.
I’m going to tell you the same thing I told him. It doesn’t matter if you have self-confidence. It only matters that you have a plan and you follow it. When you follow one at a time the steps you have outlined, you will gain self-confidence on the way.
Stating affirmations does you absolutely no good if you do not couple them with action. when you combine positive statements with taking the steps necessary to move forward your entire being comes into alignment moving you to what you want to accomplish.
You can have all the gasoline you want in a car, but if you do not turn the key it will not move forward. The same is true for positive affirmations. Think of these statements that you make as the gasoline to your car. Taking action is turning the key so that it all comes together. When you combine the repetition of what you want to become beliefs to guide your life with the action necessary to accomplish your goal, you will gain self-confidence. And with that you will become successful in your career and other areas of life.
Putting Together Postive Statements with Powerful Imaging
I’m going to give you two sets of affirmations. The first has to do with believing in yourself. The second has to do with success in your career. I’m assuming here that you know what it is you want to be going.
Remember you have to combine words with action. In this case, I want you to incorporate the power of your mind. Do this by imagining yourself being or doing what the affirmations states. After doing this exercise, take the first step necessary to manifest your goal. This could be picking up the phone, taking a course, or some other necessary step. Just be sure it move  you forward and is not just spinning your wheels, so to speak.
To Increase Self-Confidence
  1. I have unlimited potential.
  2. My very being radiates competence and confidence.
  3. I am excited about life and the possibilities available.

To Attract Success in Your Career

  1. I have the ability to become competent and capable in any area of expertise I apply myself.
  2. I attract to me the perfect career, at the perfect salary with the perfect benefits for me.
  3. Every decision I make leads me directly to the achievement of my career goals.
Summary
Each time you repeat any of these statements imagine yourself being what you have just said. Believe in yourself and follow your plan.

Everything You Need to Succeed Is Within You

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Everything You Need to Succeed Is Within You

People come to see me because they feel stuck and need some help. They may be attracted by the tools I use such as The BodyTalk System, PSYCH-K, Soul Healing and other tools. They are powerful tools, but they are all devised to bring the person recognize the only one who can really help them… and it’s not me.

My job is to assist the client in looking within and finding the power that is already there. By the time the individual comes for assistance, he or she has experienced many incidents of what is interpreted as failure by themselves or others. Some of this supposed failure is in the realm of accomplishment in school and jobs. Other failures, which are the most debilitating, revolve around not being the person he or she wants to be. Everyone, if honest with him or herself, has had these times. When this happens there is a great reluctance to look at oneself in the mirror.

Are you one of those people struggling to get beyond a history of personal failures? Are you one of those who is afraid or ashamed to look yourself in the eye and tell the truth about yourself?

Personal Truth is Not What You Think

When people talk about being honest with themselves, they are usually referring to admitting their faults and character defects. It is important to acknowledge where you have been in your life and what, within you, has put you where you are. Once you accept your personal accountability, you then need to move away from your failures and do a different inventory of yourself. You must, and I do mean must, look deep within and find the gifts and talents you have. The abilities you have within you are what will move you from where you are to what you want to be.

Napoleon Hill, in the 1925 version of The Law of Success, tells the true story of a man who went from homelessness to being the president of a multinational company simply by accepting that his power was within him – and then gathering that power to move him forward to where he wanted to go. If you wish to succeed, you must look yourself squarely in the eye and accept your total responsibility for what has happened in your life. If you blame your current situation on forces outside of yourself, no matter what difficulties or horrors have happened in your life, then you will never move forward in life. If, however, you accept the responsibility for your responses to what has happened to you, you then know that you have the ability to respond to life’s situations in a different manner. When you respond differently then you will be in a different place.

Your Personal Inventory of Strengths

Take out a piece of paper and write down something you do well. It doesn’t matter how mundane you believe that “something” is. It could be your ability to cross the street safely. Now list at least 10 characteristics within you that assist you in performing that action. For instance, if you choose crossing the street safely, you could list: being aware of my environment, the desire to stay alive, evaluation of the speed of vehicles, knowing how fast I move, the ability to judge distances. What are other characteristics that assist you in walking across the street safely?

Do this little exercise on several different activities you do. Notice the characteristics which show up more than once. These are the characteristics you have within you which, when activated consciously, will move you from where you are now to a place of success.

There is no one who can turn you into a success. You can have ten different coaches, but if you don’t accept responsibility and take action, you will never move to where you desire to be.